Penny waited a few minutes to make sure he’d actually gone, then gave the all clear signal to the kids.
“Thanks for saving our neck again, Penny,” said Piper. “We’d be sunk without you.”
“You know I can’t stand Danny, or his bully dad.”
They all grinned, and left with lighter hearts than when they went in.
They headed left toward their cul-de-sac where they lived on Titchy Drive. About two blocks from their turn off, Danny was in front of them, along with his buddies.
“Thought you were going to get away with it didn’t you,” grinned Danny with a savage look.
“I’ll give you to the count of three,” said Stanley, mustering up all the courage he could find. “And I’m call Rabbi Titchy, and he’ll call your mom.”
Danny’s thugs moved forward. Stanley hit the Rabbi Titchy’s name and set the phone to speaker.
“I didn’t start this!” yelled Danny. It was true. He hadn’t.
“I know you didn’t,” said Piper. “But we told you it was Turd, not us. Since when have I EVER picked a fight with you?”
Danny stood glaring at her. It was another truth. She never had. In fact, Piper and Pickles never picked fights with anyone. They did their own thing, which was actually pretty cool! Deep inside, Danny liked the girls.
“You’re telling me that a ghost did this to me?” he said in a much calmer voice. “And I’m supposed to believe that?”
“Danny, you’ve known me for six years. Have I ever lied?” asked Piper.
“No.”
“Then, trust me with this. I made a huge mistake over the summer. I accidentally burned down my grandparents house…”
Danny and his thugs were so impressed that they tried to give her a high-five.
“I said it was an accident.”
“It’s still impressive,” laughed Danny.
Piper rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Turd, short for Theodore Ulysses Reginald Davenport, is a poltergeist who had lived there over 150 years, was devastated watching his home burn down. So, we invited him to move in with us, and he’s been getting revenge ever since.”
“Well, not really revenge,” chimed in Pickles. “He’s a poltergeist. He just does stuff.”
“REVENGE!” yelled Piper. “He goes after me more than anyone! Do you know what he did to me this morning? He turned off the hot water while I was in the shower!!!”
“Wait,” said Pickles in surprise. “He was in the shower?”
“That’s going way too far,” said Stanley defiantly. “Joe needs to talk to him about boys and girls.”
“He said his eyes were closed. I DON’T CARE!” she yelled picking up a rock and throwing it at the street sign.
“You’re mom needs to ban him from the house,” said Danny. “That’s just wrong.”
“Tell me about,” grumbled Piper. “I try to do my homework, he keeps hitting extra letters. Or, he deletes my homework. I’m sick of it. I know he’s my godfather, but enough is enough.”
“Godfather? You’ve got a ghost for godfather?” cried Danny rather impressed at the thought.
“Yup. He’s both our godfathers,” said Pickles.
“And my friend!” said Stanley waving his arms like an idiot.
Just then, Rabbi Titchy showed up. “False alarm,” said Stanley.
“Are you sure?” asked the rabbi.
“Yeah, we came to an understanding,” said Piper.
They took turns explaining to Titchy everything that had happened. “I’ve always liked that ghost. Tell you what, let me drive you kids home and I’ll have a talk with Joe.”
Pickles, Piper, and Stanley opened the door and stopped. The sound of air leaking from a tire was coming from the left. Sure enough, Turd was letting the air out of the rabbi’s tire and it was nearly flat.
Category: Characters
The Chase Part 2 – Rough Draft “Revenge of the Turd
The two guys who had trapped Stanley and Piper shot off to see what was going on. Pickles and Piper followed from a safe distance behind.
When they got to 2nd St, they saw Pickles leaning against the wall giggling. Turd had come to the rescue. He had pulled Zack’s hat over his face, and then yanked his pants down. The other boys had also been pantsed. For Stanley, who had taken the brunt of the bullies abuse since kindergarten, this was like a dream come true. He quickly pulled out his emergency bag of popcorn and shared it with the girls as they enjoyed the show.
It was all fun and games until the girls heard a voice back in the alley. It was Danny. With Turd entertaining the thugs, the kids shot off into Paws Pet Show and raced to the backroom to hide behind the aquariums.
“Turd at it again,” called a sympathetic voice from the counter.
“Yup!” said Stanley. “He’s really got to get a life!”
“He’s dead,” laughed the cashier.
“You know what I mean,” grinned Stanley.
Stanley quickly slammed the door shut and locked it for safety.
A few minutes later, Danny was in the store. He had chased them here before. “Let me guess,” he growled at the cashier. “They’re in the back room.” The cashier ignored him.
“Unlock it NOW, or I’m calling my dad.”
The cashier looked up and grinned. “You either get out of my store,” she replied sweetly, “or I’m calling your mother.”
Danny froze. He knew she was kidding. Her phone was in her hand. Penny kept Danny’s mom’s number on speed-dial, which tells you how often she had to call.
Danny was breathing hard. “One of these days…” he growled as he pushed the door open and left.
The Chase – Revenge of the Turd Draft…
[The following is a bit of text I stole from the idiot writer who likes to make our lives miserable. Sincerely, Pickles]
“Tell me again why we’re running for our lives?” cried Stanley Dunkelberger, a skinny, curly black haired boy, who was Pickles and Piper’s best friend in the cul-de-sac.
“Because Turd emptied my milk bottle on Danny’s head!” called back Piper, painting hard with a side stitch.
Danny Daniels was the school bully and no one picked on Danny if they didn’t wish to suffer. He took after his dad, the Titchfield mayor, who bullied his way into winning the recent election. Danny was the apple of his dad’s eye, but the embarrassment of his mothers. Now, thanks to Turd, Pickles, Piper, and Stanley were running for their lives.
“Quick!” called back Pickles who was way ahead of the other two. Her fiery, short ginger hair acting like a beacon for the other two to follow. “Down this way!”
The kids made a quick left off 3rd St down Mays Alley. Danny was big, as in fat, so it was pretty easy to outrun him. But he was also relentless and had spies set up to see where his victims were headed.
Pickles was already on 2nd St when three of Danny’s thugs came out of nowhere. Pickles came to a quick halt and turned to run back toward Piper and Stanley. It was too late. Two more of Danny’s thugs had trapped them in Mays Alley.
Just when Piper and Stanley thought it was the end, there was a loud scream from Pickles direction. The scream of a guy squealing like a little girl.
Jammin’ with the Turd – Piper
Dear Diary,
Went to Pickles house today with my uke and jammed with the Turd, as he now wants to be called. Something about playing the drums has made him want to be called “the” Turd, instead of just Turd.
Anyway, his playing may be driving Pickles crazy, but he’s actually getting better. Uncle Joe ordered him a tambourine from Amazon with little cymbals in the side. That way he won’t have to use a stick and can just focus on the music. He’s as excited as a little kid, which is pretty funny since he’s 187.
I feel sorry for him. Ever since Uncle Joe took up the drums, Turd has wanted to play. It’s a bit tough when you’re a ghost. There’s so many cool things that exist now that didn’t over 100 years ago. Uncle Joe is trying to work out a way for him to play World of Warcraft with him. I think he’ll pull it off. Uncle Joe can do anything. 🙂
Die again, Turd! Die! – Pickles
Dear Diary (2:30 AM),
Ugh! Turd is driving me insane!!! It’s like 24/7 he has to play the drum. Actually – it’s not playing! It’s more like constant banging, like some sort of cruel Chinese water torture, or a three-year-old with a spoon and a pot! Pretty much the same thing.
I’ve tried everything to block it out. I tried the fan, a spa machine, ear plugs – nothing works! I went into Dad’s bedroom tonight to protest, and he was fast asleep with a smile on his face – and wearing a NOISE CANCELING HEADSET! JERK!!! I’m the one who has to get up for school in the morning! grrrrrrrr
If you never hear from me again, Diary, it’s because I threw myself out the window.
Pickles and Piper Mysteries 