Dear Diary,
Sorry I haven’t been writing this week, but the nasty beast who is writing our adventures, and basically controlling our lives, has kept us so busy I haven’t had time. Ugh!
Some of it’s been fun. Some of it’s been exciting. But making my enemy fall in love with me? Seriously??? Why don’t guys fall for Pickles? Why is it always me??? I don’t have time for a boyfriend right now. There’s too many mysteries to solve.
(Rough draft continues for those who love seeing what a story looks like before the thousand rewrites.)
Pickles kicked her dad, trying to get him to focus again.
“Right,” he said looking back at her. “I’ll have a talk with Turd as soon as I find him.”
Sara realised that was about all she was going to get out of Joe for the morning. She stormed back to her house with Piper following behind, yelling, “He’s banned from my house, Joe!”
Pickles and Joe watched them cross the road. “How do keep a poltergeist out of a house?” mumbled Joe.
(The rough draft continues for those of you who love seeing what a story looks like in its rawest form.)
The next morning, a scream could be heard throughout the cul-de-sac – Turd had struck again. This time, he turned the hot water off of Sara, Piper’s mom. “THAT’S IT!!! YOU’RE BANNED TURD!!! YOU’RE OUT!!! NOW!!!”
Lucky for Sara, Piper was still at home, so she had her check to make sure Turd was out of the bathroom before she came out. Minutes later, she was pounding on Joe’s door with Piper bug-eyed behind her.
Joe opened the door bleary-eyed. He’d just woken up, and wasn’t happy that she was yelling at him before he’d had a chance to down his first coffee of the morning. He stood staring at her in his Spiderman jammies. Sara’s jet black hair was flat against her head, and she still had water dripping down her face. Sara was wearing her bathrobe.
“Do you know what Turd just did to me?” Sara didn’t give Joe a chance to answer. “He just turned the hot water off while I was taking a shower!”
Joe laughed. “He used to do that to me and Joe all the time.”
“I’M A WOMAN, JOE!”
“Oops! Forgot about that,” he mumbled.
“Thanks a lot,” said Sara glaring at him with her dark brown eyes. “I’ve had enough of his pranks! Did you know Piper can’t even do her homework without him typing along with her, or deleting her schoolwork?”
Joe rubbed his stubby chin, “I think she might have said something about it.”
“Something about it?” Sara was now giving the death look.
“Sara, you know as well as I do that Turd is a poltergeist! He does stuff. Always has.”
Pickles had now joined the morning yell. “Dad, think! Turd was in the shower with Aunt Sara. That’s going way too far!”
“In the shower???”
“What do you think I’ve been yelling about, Joe?”
“I don’t know. You know I can’t think without coffee.”
“Oh sure, and when we were little, you always claimed you couldn’t think without your first cuppa chocolate milk in the morning.”
Joe gave her a sheepish look. “Well…I couldn’t.”
Penny waited a few minutes to make sure he’d actually gone, then gave the all clear signal to the kids.
“Thanks for saving our neck again, Penny,” said Piper. “We’d be sunk without you.”
“You know I can’t stand Danny, or his bully dad.”
They all grinned, and left with lighter hearts than when they went in.
They headed left toward their cul-de-sac where they lived on Titchy Drive. About two blocks from their turn off, Danny was in front of them, along with his buddies.
“Thought you were going to get away with it didn’t you,” grinned Danny with a savage look.
“I’ll give you to the count of three,” said Stanley, mustering up all the courage he could find. “And I’m call Rabbi Titchy, and he’ll call your mom.”
Danny’s thugs moved forward. Stanley hit the Rabbi Titchy’s name and set the phone to speaker.
“I didn’t start this!” yelled Danny. It was true. He hadn’t.
“I know you didn’t,” said Piper. “But we told you it was Turd, not us. Since when have I EVER picked a fight with you?”
Danny stood glaring at her. It was another truth. She never had. In fact, Piper and Pickles never picked fights with anyone. They did their own thing, which was actually pretty cool! Deep inside, Danny liked the girls.
“You’re telling me that a ghost did this to me?” he said in a much calmer voice. “And I’m supposed to believe that?”
“Danny, you’ve known me for six years. Have I ever lied?” asked Piper.
“No.”
“Then, trust me with this. I made a huge mistake over the summer. I accidentally burned down my grandparents house…”
Danny and his thugs were so impressed that they tried to give her a high-five.
“I said it was an accident.”
“It’s still impressive,” laughed Danny.
Piper rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Turd, short for Theodore Ulysses Reginald Davenport, is a poltergeist who had lived there over 150 years, was devastated watching his home burn down. So, we invited him to move in with us, and he’s been getting revenge ever since.”
“Well, not really revenge,” chimed in Pickles. “He’s a poltergeist. He just does stuff.”
“REVENGE!” yelled Piper. “He goes after me more than anyone! Do you know what he did to me this morning? He turned off the hot water while I was in the shower!!!”
“Wait,” said Pickles in surprise. “He was in the shower?”
“That’s going way too far,” said Stanley defiantly. “Joe needs to talk to him about boys and girls.”
“He said his eyes were closed. I DON’T CARE!” she yelled picking up a rock and throwing it at the street sign.
“You’re mom needs to ban him from the house,” said Danny. “That’s just wrong.”
“Tell me about,” grumbled Piper. “I try to do my homework, he keeps hitting extra letters. Or, he deletes my homework. I’m sick of it. I know he’s my godfather, but enough is enough.”
“Godfather? You’ve got a ghost for godfather?” cried Danny rather impressed at the thought.
“Yup. He’s both our godfathers,” said Pickles.
“And my friend!” said Stanley waving his arms like an idiot.
Just then, Rabbi Titchy showed up. “False alarm,” said Stanley.
“Are you sure?” asked the rabbi.
“Yeah, we came to an understanding,” said Piper.
They took turns explaining to Titchy everything that had happened. “I’ve always liked that ghost. Tell you what, let me drive you kids home and I’ll have a talk with Joe.”
Pickles, Piper, and Stanley opened the door and stopped. The sound of air leaking from a tire was coming from the left. Sure enough, Turd was letting the air out of the rabbi’s tire and it was nearly flat.
The two guys who had trapped Stanley and Piper shot off to see what was going on. Pickles and Piper followed from a safe distance behind.
When they got to 2nd St, they saw Pickles leaning against the wall giggling. Turd had come to the rescue. He had pulled Zack’s hat over his face, and then yanked his pants down. The other boys had also been pantsed. For Stanley, who had taken the brunt of the bullies abuse since kindergarten, this was like a dream come true. He quickly pulled out his emergency bag of popcorn and shared it with the girls as they enjoyed the show.
It was all fun and games until the girls heard a voice back in the alley. It was Danny. With Turd entertaining the thugs, the kids shot off into Paws Pet Show and raced to the backroom to hide behind the aquariums.
“Turd at it again,” called a sympathetic voice from the counter.
“Yup!” said Stanley. “He’s really got to get a life!”
“He’s dead,” laughed the cashier.
“You know what I mean,” grinned Stanley.
Stanley quickly slammed the door shut and locked it for safety.
A few minutes later, Danny was in the store. He had chased them here before. “Let me guess,” he growled at the cashier. “They’re in the back room.” The cashier ignored him.
“Unlock it NOW, or I’m calling my dad.”
The cashier looked up and grinned. “You either get out of my store,” she replied sweetly, “or I’m calling your mother.”
Danny froze. He knew she was kidding. Her phone was in her hand. Penny kept Danny’s mom’s number on speed-dial, which tells you how often she had to call.
Danny was breathing hard. “One of these days…” he growled as he pushed the door open and left.
Pickles and Piper Mysteries 